Your mouth is God's brothel.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
