Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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