he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
