Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
