Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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