yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
