we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
