so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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