is wine microwaveable?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
