remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
