guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize