I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
