what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Your penis caused this!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
