im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
