i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
