apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
