I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I need moral support for this bender
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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