Screwed.edu
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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