yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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