just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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