You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
