I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
