I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
