I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
