hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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