Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize