Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
