mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
