I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize