i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
