I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
