so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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