We're facebook friends in real life
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
