actually, I'm a sock model
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
this just has baby written all over it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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