You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
