so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
