Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Shame - the story of my life.
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