My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
