i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
