The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
