I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
