I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
