I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
