So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize