and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
