i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
