I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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