woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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