Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
