I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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