She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
