my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
