Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
