You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
