does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
