Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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