Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm jealous of your bromance
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
