You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
