But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
