guys are only as good as the porn they watch
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
