If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
