did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize