It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
