Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
