I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
