Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
