The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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