He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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