i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
