to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
