I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
