I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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