I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
