I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
