How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
