Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We talked him into tasing himself.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
