And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
