allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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