I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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