By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I love having hate sex.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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