dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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