HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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