Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize