you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
