Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize