I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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