I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
