This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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