party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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