the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
