He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
