I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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