you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
