omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
