Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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